cope with flashbacks
anxiety & depression
grief & loss
on being a therapist
my child within
shame & guilt
fear of intimacy
taming the mind
spam of the mind
IQ vs. EQ
basic human rights
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Carl's YouTube Videos
On 12/2/14 I created a YouTube channel, Counselor Carl. I will add a new video at least every other weekend on topics such as codependency, communication skills, mindfulness, grief, addiction, stress management, depression, anger, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
If you would like to be notified when new videos are posted, please subscribe to Counselor Carl by clicking on the YouTube button at the bottom of this page. Below are links to my YouTube videos grouped by category:
What is Drug Addiction and Substance Abuse? (4:05): I explain what addiction is and how the brain becomes hijacked by a Trojan Horse that leads to compulsive drug-seeking behaviors despite horrendous negative consequences.
8 Essentials for Recovery from Addiction (5:40): I describe 8 essential elements for any plan for recovery from addiction and alcoholism, stressing the importance of having a solid plan for recovery, which significantly increases the chances for success.
Online Therapy for How to Help an Alcoholic or Drug Addict (2:58): I describe the heartbreak of loving an addict or alcoholic and how improved self-care and skilled interaction with the addict will benefit you AND the addict or alcoholic.
How to Help an Alcoholic or a Drug Addict: Detachment with Love (5:12): I explain why "Detachment with Love," an Al-Anon concept, is the best approach for helping yourself in a most painful situation AND for helping your alcoholic or drug addict realize they have a problem and seek help.
The Powerlessness of Compulsive Blaming: Being a Blame-o-holic (3:31): I describe how compulsive blaming leaves the person powerless to heal and grow because, like other compulsive behaviors, compulsive blaming might give some short term relief from pain, but in the long run it only creates more pain.
Enabling Is Harmful: Fear of Changing vs. Fear of Not Changing (4:01): I explain why enabling is harmful to the alcoholic, addict, or anyone refusing to take responsibility for his or her problems, such as a serious mental illness.
Anger Management Online with a Licensed Professional Counselor (1:59): I describe my credentials and experience offering anger management (online and face-to-face with groups and individuals) and my unique approach to anger management.
Anger Management Online: How to Deal with Anger (4:49): I explain that PAIN + BLAME = ANGER and, therefore, all anger management skills involve reducing blame or reducing pain. Then I explain how to make anger your ally.
Anger Management Techniques: 7 Steps to Controlling Anger (4:06): I offer 7 steps to controlling anger outbursts so you can make anger an ally by letting go of the blame and then focusing on the pain.
Anger Management Tips: How to Deal With Anger (4:36): I explain the four ways to deal with anger - acting out, repressing, expressing, and working through - of which two are healthy and effective, and two are not.
Online Therapy for Anxiety and Panic Attacks with a Licensed Therapist (6:05): I explain how online therapy can help anxiety sufferers manage anxiety and panic attacks. I also describe the causes and symptoms of panic attacks and anxiety.
What is Anxiety? How to Deal with Anxiety (5:52): I explain that an anxiety disorder is when you chronically do not feel safe even though you are safe and how learning to be mindful of your anxiety is an effective way to manage and reduce anxiety.
Coping with Flashbacks: Explicit and Implicit Memories (5:33): I explain that implicit memories are memories that are not recognized as memories. Flashbacks are implicit memories of past pain and trauma, which can be upsetting because the person feels like the danger/trauma is occurring right now.
Understanding and Coping with Panic Attacks and Anxiety (5:59): I explain that panic attacks are a sudden flooding of overwhelming fear and anxiety that can make you think you're dying or going crazy. But even though they feel terrifying, they're only paper tigers that cannot hurt you.
Cinematherapy Part 1: Three Movies for Healing and Growth (5:32): I often recommend movies to clients, which is called cinematherapy. In this video, I recommend three outstanding movies that show two men and a woman finding their True Selves: Groundhog Day, Disney's the Kid, and Shirley Valentine.
Cinematherapy Part 2: Three Great Movies About Families in Crisis (3:39): I recommend three outstanding movies about families in crisis: Ordinary People, When a Man Loves a Woman, and The Story of Us. Each film illustrates how families can heal and recover from crisis.
What is Codependency, Really? (9:27): I explain beliefs and behaviors that define codependency & leave codependents guilt-ridden, depressed, anxious, & stressed by their relationships.
The Birth of Codependency (7:48): I take you inside the mind of Tommy, an 8-year-old boy whose father is an alcoholic, to show you the birth of codependency in the mind of a wounded child.
Little Triste: A Codependent Fairytale (5:07): I created this fairytale to help codependents feel the impossible situation codependency has put them in by believing they must set aside their needs and focus on the needs of others to get love and approval.
When Codependency Becomes an Addiction (7:02): I take you inside the belief system of codependents to show you how a dysfunctional and flawed approach to getting needs met in relationships can become an addiction.
5 Steps to Becoming a Recovering Codependent (9:21): I offer 5 steps to becoming a recovering codependent, including suggesting that you "trust the process" and keep the focus on "Progress Not Perfection."
Online Therapy for Codependency with a Licensed Counselor (2:28): I explain how I help codependents "upgrade their operating system for relationships" so they can negotiate healthy relationships that meet their needs.
Basic Human Rights for Relationships and Self-Development (4:42): I offers a list of 22 Basic Human Rights for Relationships and Self-Development, so you can begin the journey of uncovering your True Self. These are not political rights but human rights concerning autonomy, self-care, and relationships.
Assertiveness and the Four Communication Styles (8:16): I explain why assertive communication is necessary for healthy relationships and why passive, aggressive, and passive-aggressive styles of communication simply are not effective.
Setting Boundaries for Healthy Relationships (5:12): I explain what boundaries are, how healthy boundaries allow your True Self to emerge, and why setting boundaries is necessary for healthy relationships and good mental health.
12 Tips for Setting Healthy Boundaries (6:10): I offer 12 tips for setting healthy boundaries, including encouraging you to practice with trusted supports first and be patient with yourself as your learn this important new skill for healthy relationships.
Communication Skills and Conflict Resolution in Healthy Relationships (6:25): I describe four essential skills for successful conflict resolution in healthy relationships. I also explain that conflict in close relationships is evitable, so the problem is not conflicts, but rather not having the skills to resolve conflicts.
7 Tips for Dating After Being Hurt: Be a Shopper Not a Seller (6:30): I offer seven tips for dating again after a breakup or heartbreak, so you can mindfully approach dating and avoid picking the wrong person or making the same mistakes again.
Online Therapy for Depression with a Licensed Therapist (5:23): I explain the four ways to deal with anger - acting out, repressing, expressing, and working through - of which two are healthy and effective, and two are not.
What is Depression and Depression Treatment? (5:06): I explain what depression is, its major symptoms, its causes, and how medications and counseling treat depression. I also discusses the most common thought patterns that fuel depression.
What Is Emotional Intelligence? IQ vs EQ (5:27): I answer the question, "Why do some smart people keep making the same old dumb mistakes?" by explaining the difference between IQ and Emotional Intelligence (EQ).
Emotional Intelligence: Types of Emotions (4:44): I answer the question, "Why do we have feelings and emotions?" and explain the differences between helpful emotions, which are meant to guide us, and unhelpful emotions that overwhelm us or paralyze us.
How to Be Happy: 6 Habits for Happiness (5:29): I describe six, research-proven habits that lead to contentment, a sense of well-being, and happiness. I also explain that happiness is not something that just happens to us. Rather, it's something we do.
The Wisdom and Power of the Serenity Prayer (3:14): I explain how to use the Serenity Prayer to cope with stressful situations by offering a simple technique that offers direction when you're feeling confused or overwhelmed.
Emotional Intelligence: Control and Responsibility (5:16): I explain how we can stress ourselves out by trying to control what we can't control and feeling responsible for things that are not our responsibility. Good mental health requires that we focus on what we can control and what is our responsibility.
Emotional Intelligence: Maturity vs Immaturity (4:39): I explain that the difference between mature and immature persons lies in how each considers their long-term best interests.
6 Stories We Tell Ourselves that Can Cause Stress and Mental Illness (5:43): I describe 6 stories we tell ourselves that create depression, anxiety, anger, stress, and can cause mental illness. I also explain the difference between helpful feelings and unhelpful feelings.
Self-Care = Self Esteem = Stress Management (5:55): I explain the importance of self-care skills for good self-esteem and stress management and describe red flags that might indicate a deficit in self-care skills.
12 Essential Quotes for Healing, Recovery, and Good Mental Health (10:15): I share 12 quotes that tell a story of life, loss, healing, recovery, and good mental health. These quotes are pearls of wisdom that can be pulled off the shelf as needed to help guide you through life.
Johari Window: A Useful Tool for Understanding Self (3:42): I explain the Johari Window and why it's a useful tool for understanding yourself.
Maladaptive Coping: "Coping" that Creates More Stress (4:57): I explain that maladaptive coping is when the very way we cope with stress actually creates more stress in the long run, which can negatively affect physical and mental health and even lead to breakdown and death.
Emotional Intelligence: 8 Habits that Fuel Unhappiness and Depression (5:38): I explain how many of us unwittingly make ourselves miserable with our bad habits and then describes eight habits that should be avoided in order to live a more fulfilling life.
5 Stages of Grief and the Grieving Process (7:22): I explain my personal understanding of the 5 Stages of Grief.
Online Grief Counseling with a Licensed Counselor (3:14): I explain that grief counseling has become my mission after suffering a devastating loss of my own. I also explain some things I learned about grieving "from the inside out."
12 Suggestions for Dealing with Grief and Loss (5:11): I offer 12 suggestions for coping with grief and loss, which can leave grievers feeling lost, confused, and disoriented.
Losing a Child: Grieving the Loss of a Child (3:31): I discuss the worst loss of all, the loss of a child, drawing from my own experience of losing a child. I emphasize that parents should not grieve in isolation.
Grief, Loss, and Grieving from the Inside Out (5:56): I explain what I learned about "grieving from the inside out" after the tragic death of my daughter.
Emotional Intelligence, Grief, and Two Kinds of Emotional Pain (3:38): I explain that grieving is the process we go through to overcome the resistance to accepting losses, and if we cannot eventually overcome our resistance to accepting our losses, then we become doomed to chronic suffering.
Grief is a Tyrant (3:40): I tell the true and profound story of a woman missing her deceased grandmother as she approaches her wedding day. She describes grief as a tyrant who demands her attention and grieving as a process where at times she must allow herself to be "not OK."
Inner Child Therapy: Reparenting the WC (4:37): I explain how reparenting the inner child means learning to love, nurture, and protect the part of the brain that carries unhealed childhood pain - the Wounded Child.
Dealing with Shame and Guilt (3:56): I explain the differences between healthy guilt, toxic guilt, and shame, and how shame and toxic guilt are often entwined. I also describe strategies for dealing with healthy guilt, toxic guilt, and shame.
Inner Child Work: Healing Shame and Fear (4:57): I explain how shame and fear act like a prison that keeps your True Self locked away where you hide to prevent others from discovering what you believe about yourself, that you're not good enough.
Inner Child Work: My Child Within (3:09): I explain through a poem the importance of learning to love, nurture, and protect your wounded inner child on the path to recovery from childhood abuse, trauma and neglect. The poem is My Child Within by Kathleen Algoe.
Inner Child Work: Letting Go of Childhood Illusion (4:47): I read a poem to explain how children create illusions that protect them from the searing pain of growing up in dysfunction and abuse, and why these illusions must be "shattered" in order to heal and become whole.
Fear of Intimacy and Shame: The Unconscious Saboteurs (6:12): I explain how shame can create a fear of intimacy that sabotages relationships. I also explain dysfunctional ways people try to cope with fear of intimacy, and how they might overcome shame and fear of intimacy to create healthy relationships.
Emotional Intelligence: Healing Repressed Emotional Pain and Trauma (3:22): I explain why sometimes clients in their 30s, 40s, or even older come into therapy complaining of symptoms they've never experienced before, and how I help them.
6 Benefits of Mindfulness Meditation (6:51): I explain how the practice of mindfulness meditation decreases stress and improves emotional regulation and self-care, including how effective it can be in reducing anxiety and depression.
Mindfulness Online Therapy for Anxiety and Depression (5:38): I explain how mindfulness decreases depression and anxiety while improving self-care, stress management, and emotional regulation.
Mindfulness, PTSD, and Childhood Trauma: The Little Girl and the Umbrella (4:44): I use a simple story about a girl and her umbrella to show how to reprogram and heal one's brain from childhood trauma through the practice of mindfulness.
Mindfulness: Paying Attention to Your Life (5:48): I define and explain mindfulness and how the simplicity of its definition belies its profoundness and benefits for good mental health, reduced stress, and improved emotional regulation.
Mindfulness: I Am Not My Thoughts (3:45): I take you on a journey into mindfulness through my poem "I Am Not My Thoughts" accompanied by vibrant images.
Mindfulness: A No-Brainer for Physical and Mental Health (5:05): I explain why practicing mindfulness is a no-brainer for physical and mental health and why The Mindful Way through Depression is the book I recommend most often to clients, even those with anxiety, stress, anger, and addiction issues.
Kabat-Zinn's Seven Attitudes that Cultivate Mindfulness (5:36): I explain that research has shown that practicing mindfulness has become a no-brainer for optimizing physical and mental health, and then describe Jon Kabat-Zinn's seven attitudes that cultivate mindfulness.
How to Choose an Online Therapist: 6 Suggestions (3:48): I offer six suggestions for finding the right online therapist.
The Pros and Cons of Online Therapy and Online Counseling (8:32): I explain the pros and cons of online therapy.
Meet Counselor Carl: Online Therapist at Serenity Online Therapy (3:03): I share my credentials and experience as an online therapist and Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in Maryland. I also share "the privilege, honor, wonder, and humility" I feel working with my clients and how they inspire me.
Online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Mindfulness (4:41): I explain what cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness are, their differences, and how they actually work together nicely as part of one's tool kit for good mental health.
Online Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety, Depression, and Anger (5:28): I explain how Anxious Thinkers create anxiety, how Depressive Thinkers create depression, and how Angry Thinkers create anger by automatically telling themselves specific, distorted stories in stressful situations.
Welcome to Counselor Carl (0:42): This is my 42-second greeting to my YouTube channel, Counselor Carl.
What is Online Therapy and Online Counseling? (4:36): I explain that online therapy means receiving professional therapy at a distance rather than with client and therapist in the same physical space as in traditional therapy, and then i explain how video, phone, chat, and email online therapy work.
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Copyright 2005-2017 Serenity Online Therapy
All Text and many photos by Carl Benedict
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everything's recurring till we answer from within."