Serenity Online Therapy offers SSL encryption protocol to insure privacy in online counseling. Serenity Online Therapy offers secure chat therapy and email counseling with Carl Benedict, a licensed professional counselor.

THERAPY

begin therapy

questionnaire 1
questionnaire 2

contact me

testimonial

TOPICS
depression
anxiety/panic attacks
cope with flashbacks
anxiety & depression
anger management
blame-o-holics
addiction
dual diagnosis
grief & loss
grief suggestions
codependency 1
codependency 2
 coda recovery
childhood trauma
on being a therapist

RESOURCES
Carl's Videos
Johari window
my child within
shame & guilt
fear of intimacy
reparent WC
shattered
serenity prayer
control/responsibility
empathy
taming the mind
mindfulness
stress management
spam of the mind
self-care
healthy conflict
assertiveness
healthy boundaries
meditation
mistaken beliefs
IQ vs. EQ
maturity/immaturity
happiness habits
Pollyanna thinking
basic human rights
helpful quotations
helpful books
helpful movies
helpful links

Carl Benedict offers online counseling on his web site Serenity Online Therapy.
HomeMy Credentials / Counseling Philosophy / Online Therapy Risks & Benefits  / Services & Fees / ConfidentialityBegin Therapy / In Crisis Now? / Contact Me / Carl's YouTube Videos / Sitemap

The Powerlessness of Compulsive Blaming: Being a Blame-o-holic

I'm sure you know people who compulsively blame others for their mistakes and poor decisions. If they screw up at work, it's because their boss is out to get them. If they flunk a test, it's because their professor is a lousy teacher. If they verbally abuse you, it's because you made them do it. If they have a drinking problem, it's because you were a bad parent.

Blame-o-holism is similar to any problematic compulsive behavior. Thus, just as alcoholics drink to self-medicate their pain, blame-o-holics blame to Compulsive blaming leaves the compulsive blamer powerless to heal and grow.avoid dealing with their pain. Of course, nearly all addicts and alcoholics are blame-o-holics, but many blame-o-holics are not substance abusers. Blaming is just what they do to avoid dealing with their repressed pain.

So, where does blame-o-holism come from? Well, it's one of many ineffective strategies people might learn, usually in childhood or adolescence, as they struggle to deal with significant emotional pain. But why do they continue using such strategies if they don't work? Well, it's because blaming does offer some immediate relief, but in the long run it only creates more pain. For example, if I learn to drink to numb my hurt, fear, and shame from growing up with an abusive, alcoholic father, it does give some short-term relief from my suffering, but over time I'll probably develop an alcohol problem that will negatively impact my relationships, work performance, and emotional stability. In a similar fashion, if I become a blame-o-holic and constantly point the finger at others as a way to push away my pain, it may give some short-term relief, but over time the chronic blaming will only increase my suffering, and here's why.

The big problem with being a blame-o-holic is that it makes you powerless! Thus, it keeps you stuck and prevents you from healing. How does this happen? Well, as long as I'm blaming you for my failures and mistakes, then the only way I can feel better is if you change, which I have no control of. Hence, by blaming you, I make myself powerless.

Now, I'm not saying that blaming others is never deserved. For example, if my father physically abused me as a child, he is to blame for the damage he caused me. But if I wait around for him to change and make amends, then I'm tying my health and healing to something I can't control. Thus, I must admit powerlessness over changing my abusive dad and empower myself to heal my own wounds. I must stop being a victim and become a survivor so I can heal myself and then become a thriver.

If you'd like help in escaping the prison of blame-o-holism, then click here to request online therapy.

Below is Carl's YouTube video (3:32) of this article:

  

To view all of Carl's YouTube videos about anger and addiction, click here.

To subscribe to my YouTube channel, click on the button:


To follow my posts on Facebook, please click the Like and/or Share buttons below:

 


Click on the photo below to request online therapy.
.

Click here to request online therapy with Carl Benedict, LCPC, founder of Serenity Online Therapy.

for a new beginning...

HomeMy Credentials / Counseling Philosophy / Online Therapy Risks & Benefits  / Services & Fees / ConfidentialityBegin Therapy /  In Crisis Now? / Contact Me / Carl's YouTube Videos / Sitemap

Copyright 2005-2017 Serenity Online Therapy
All Text and many photos by Carl Benedict

"Our very life depends on everything's recurring till we answer from within."  Robert Frost